Monday, April 06, 2015

A Mother's Unconditional Love For Her Gay Son.

I am very thankful for the physical relationship I had with my mother. We had an incredibly strong bound and shared so much love, gratitude, heart, admiration, tenderness and openness. She was literally my very best friend, and in every sense I was or am a mamma's boy. I shared every important personal detail with her and nothing was left unsaid. I ran to her for everything and there she would be, always ready with arms wide open. It wasn't a perfect journey but we managed to get to this special place where all was well with us and we could gently smile or laugh about each others inadequacies, as if they were new. My mother always supported me and loved me unconditionally and in return I tried to be a great son, she deserved that. I am so thankful to god for that. If we were in a disagreement or I did something wrong I would not wait more than an hour to figure out how to make it better or apologize, and what I figured out was that my mother usually automatically had already forgiven me or let things go and was just observing how I handled things. 

We both cherished our relationship and spent time feeding it, loving it and nurturing it. We wholeheartedly enjoyed hanging out together and If we weren't hanging out with each other my mother was still there supporting. At my recent 35th birthday party where she cooked all the food and I was busy socializing and being a mess, she was making sure my cake was ready, cleaning up so I wouldn't have to and stayed with me till 5am, (normally her bedtime was around 10pm) she wasn't there partying or drinking but simply just there watching me and seeing me happy made her happy. Its the same love from when I went to my first house jam on my own at 13 years old. While I was carelessly and freely dancing I glanced towards the far back of the room.. there she was... my mother silently watching me with joy and acceptance on her face (the only parent at the party) I wasn't embarrassed even at that age my mother completely allowed me to be myself. That was her way.. 

She never once judged me on my sexual orientation or identity but instead focused on my character and the way I treated myself and others . I could always be who I was without reservations in front of her. Even at 5 years old dancing with my sister and her group of friends to "material girl" by Madonna lol. No matter how old I was or who I was, I was still her boy. That's love. I learned to dearly love and respect not only the strong mother she was to me but the strong, compassionate woman she was to the world. I preferred her company and love over any other because she sincerely was a phenomenal and amazing human being. The and sensational . I am deeply grateful and appreciative to have had that, for when I look around and see so many who have never experienced even half of that amount of unconditional love, friendship and love..I hope while you still have the chance that you choose to cultivate and build boundlessly loving relationships... because its the only thing that matters and what will bring you solace when its all said and done.. My favorite compliment ever given to me was by someone who casually walked up to me and simply said "I can tell you are loved" .

This is just a mere grain of sand on an endless beach of memories and love of more and more love that only I and my sister can comprehend.. Limitless.. boundless..

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